Night

The wind was howling ominously . It was pitch black and not a soul in sight.She pulled her overcoat closer and clutched the umbrella tighter. The street lights were not working.The moon was caught behind the clouds.The only sound other than the wind was the steady 'click-click' of her heels.There was still a long way to go. There was this weird feeling that gripped her, she could feel she was not alone , turned back a hundred times but could neither hear nor see anyone.She couldn't risk stopping either.She tried to move faster but was too tired to continue at that pace , as soon as she would slack fear would kick in and then she would force her weary legs to move , they would rebel against her and she would coax them , her mind was steady though the body was burnt out.She had to get there. He would be waiting for her, waiting to take her away from the sordid mess that she was in.Another mile to go, she had been walking 4 hours already.Its just another mile she told herself,there is a city with life just another mile away , the city that can give you your life back.She froze in her tracks.That was unmistakably the sound of footsteps.Her heart was thudding so loudly that if they hadn't seen her,they just might hear her.She broke into a run .The footsteps picked up pace behind her.There was no time to even panic, all she could do was run."Run , dear run ! Look , you are going faster than your brother, you should go for the Olympics someday", she heard her mother's voice after all these years.How did she get herself into this mess ? From that sunny day at the beach with the blue ocean to this dark lonely night.She broke into sobs,her legs gave way and she fell , face down.One bullet,just one bullet, that's all it took.25 years of life,25 years of laughter , 25 years of fear ,25 years of memories - all taken away in one second.They had got her.It was all over.All that she held dear was over.At least there would be no more terror, maybe some pain but no more terror.She was free.She did not hit the hard ground,she fell into something soft,she held on tight and looked up.It was him, she had made it after all.There were lights all around her.She had made it into the city.She just hadn't realised.She handed him the package that she had guarded with her life.She smiled and closed her eyes . There was no more pain now.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life !

The orange of the sky seemed to reflect off his bare shoulders, the glistening droplets of water on his back and the wet strands of hair falling across his forehead bore testimonial to his swim.It was the river bank that he was lying on now, trying to clear his head.The cool waters of the river always seemed to do the trick for him but today even they decided to desert him.He took a deep breath like he was trying to absorb all that was in front of him at this moment.This moment where the sun was dying and the sky gracefully consented to let herself be coloured.This moment where the running waters seem to be calling out to him. This private moment,curled up on the river-bed, when he succumbed to tears.This moment when he is the most vulnerable that he will ever let himself be.This moment that makes him realise that the world as he knows it is crumbling around him. He wished for the power to still life, he would do so at this instance and keep this slice of life with him forever."Power", the word made him smile, involuntarily. He would never want for anything, never again.He made himself that silent promise.As the darkness descended around him, the flame of hope within him began to rise.A new journey was about to begin.

Reborn !

He removed the curl of hair that fell across her face. She did not even stir. Maybe she was lost in the magical world of dreams.The defiant curl of hair fell back again, as if it were not willing to go away from her pretty face.She is pretty, he thought to himself. His thoughts wandered back to the first time he saw her. He was sitting by the lake trying to fight off the demons in his head, the searing voices that told him to stop, that showed him fear of death and hope for life in the same breath.His life had come to a standstill. He was walking away from all that he had done, he probably would never be forgiven by all those who had died at his hands, but he did not want any more blood on his hands.He had willingly taken up this path of life, there was no story of being an orphan and having no food, or having a father who was a thug.He had never had qualms about being called a murderer or a drug dealer.He saw the power that came with it.The fear in the eyes of people as he passed them by, the money that flowed in like water.The company he kept.That was the language he understood.It was worth a few measly lives.He never looked back with regret.Until that day. It was to be a simple job.The assignment was a woman who lived alone. He walked into the room, her back was to him.She was less than 3 feet away, he took out his gun.As he pulled the trigger, the lady had turned around and in her hands was a child no more than 2 years.It hit the baby straight.It was the first time he witnessed so horrifying a death.There was no sound.There was no grimace on the face.A gurgling sound just melted into silence. It was the expression on the mother's face.She didn't cry, she didn't scream, she just folded into herself. She looked at him in disbelief, she clutched the baby in her hands closer and fell. He did not remember going back home.He had wandered the streets aimlessly.He had gone to the river.All his horrors seemed to come back and haunt him.All the faces that had begged for mercy, all the nightmares.The night was gone and he was restless.He did not know what he was fighting.His way of life? Why was he questioning himself? He did not know , but he knew he would never be able to do it again.He needed to free himself.The sun was bringing the day back.The running waters seemed to carry away his troubles with them.Today he had no place else to go.He lay back , watched the green grass and the small yellow flowers dancing in the breeze.The sound of silence had always bothered him, but today it gave him his peace.He fell asleep and woke up to find a very concerned pair of eyes peering into his face.She jumped as he opened his eyes. "You're alive!" In more ways than one, he was reborn.She stirred and it brought him back to the present.He pushed the curl back, gently kissed her forehead.She opened her eyes , blinked the harsh daylight out and smiled at him. She was his angel.She had guided him back into life. She made his nightmares disappear.He sighed,he had made another decision. Today was the day he was going to tell her.Today he would have to put her through this.He would come clean.He loved her more than life itself.He could not go through each day with the fear of her finding out.He had always shielded her from the world and from him.More for his sake than hers, he had found love and he held on to it, but he knew he would have to tell her.He sighed again as she looked at him with her questioning eyes.She could always see through him.The part of him that he had let her see. The part of him that she had helped him rediscover.She never knew how much pleasure the small things of daily life gave him.He was beginning to think of himself as a human being again.He did not want to tell her but he also knew he would.He needed his guardian angel now.

Varsham

I've spent the whole day waiting for it .Everything around me stands still in eager anticipation. The wind picks up making me pull my sweater tighter and hug myself. I don’t close the windows though. I want to see it straight when it starts. Everything looks so dull, it isn't gray actually but the sunshine that brings the warmth is missing. There I am, alone, all alone, my thoughts start to wander and the very thing I was waiting for happened catching me off guard. The skies opened up. Those first few drops danced their way onto the earth below oblivious to the fact that it meant the end of their existence. The rain picks up, faster and harder and more, the drops come down as though trying to wash away everything.It’s my favourite part of the year, the first drops always bring a smile to my face, so why don’t they today? I close the windows now, I couldn't possibly get wet. They fall on the pane showing me that I can’t close them out, drop by drop, they form a beautiful pattern and then just disappear like it never happened. The rain has become too heavy now, it’s like a sheet of water and running down the glass. Everything suddenly seems blurred, I can’t see those trees .And then it happened, one drop rolled down my face. I dint try to stop it, I couldn't possibly. And then I knew I wanted to be there .I opened the door, the wind hit my face first and then the rain. It din’t matter anymore. I stepped out. I could sense it, bit by bit I was soaked, maybe by the rain, maybe by my tears.

If I could change the ending ...

She’s standing in the balcony, arm outstretched . She always does that . It makes her feel like she’s holding on to a bit of the rain. Like she could hold on to that instant when the drop falls into her palm and make that instant last forever, by just closing her fist around it. That’s what I think she is doing at least. Her child-like enthusiasm about the smallest , almost insignificant details is almost contagious. It seems like the same things repeated over and over don’t really bore her. As soon as she senses it, a small smile plays on her lips, it seems to reach her eyes and en route bringing a rosy glow to her cheeks .. and in less than a minute , you can see her whole body bounding around with an inexplicable energy. If happiness were this simple, if I could forget everything in this world for a minute and be filled with the kind of wonder and enthusiasm that she is, I would willingly choose to be blind. I call out to her, “Its time for today’s Braille session.”Every time I see her this happy, for a second, feelings that most probably mean happiness seem to rise within me followed immediately by rage. She has never said a word. She has never really indicated either, but whenever I see her, all I can think of is how big a failure I have been. I promised her the world, when she stepped into my house as my bride. Today, the very palm that she holds out is calloused with all the hard work she has to do to make ends meet. Today, that very instant that she wants to hold on probably reminds her of the time not too long back when was genuinely happy all the while.Her not complaining about it makes it worse for me, like she is a saint and I am the villain who spoilt her life. “If you are done wasting time in the rain, go get some tea for your husband who works day and night to get some food” . I see the devil within me raise , I cant control him. He throws my failures into my face and I need to appease him. I turn my face away, I cant bear to see that look on her face, where she replaces true happiness with a fake smile for my sake. Why does she bear me? Just because I loved her once. What a price she is paying for that. I cant pity her either, for I know, I am in a more pitiable condition than her. I don’t even deserver the affection she bestows on me , let alone the love.My sister is the prettiest girl in the world.I can hear her humming to herself. She always does that when she is happy ….. When I grow up, I am going to be just like her. “Didi, wait, even I want to play in the rain, I got the paper , can we make the paper boats now ?”I don’t really hang around my balcony all day waiting for her to come out to her balcony, but “Thank You God, thank You , thank You , thank You !! Thank You for making it rain . Now just make her look at me. Just once. Please please please ” She looked at me, she just looked at me. She’s smiling at me. Or is it the smile for the rain that carried over. Should I smile back? Should I wave a hi? Should I ignore it ? She turned away ! !! “I am absolute jackass, I should have done something, anything”“God ,Pllllllllease keep it raining “ I tiptoe upto her(not really required I guess , she dint hear my banging down the door either before I remembered I have my own keys) and say Hi . She responds with a “You are late! You missed the first few minutes !! “ It really is hard to not kick off your shoes, join in on the fun and jump around :D So, if you intend to visit us, just make sure its not raining when you drop by.

Chudi baji hai kahiin door chanchan chan

Darn it! Late again. Its a quarter past 8 and my brother is still getting ready for school.When I used to go to school, we had to be at our desk by 8.15 and we never had anyone to drop us.We had to huff and puff our way up that road on a cycle. Its all my fault really, I shouldn't have gotten him used to royal services like this. I made a mental note to myself to get him a cycle soon and ask him to go on his own.He doesn't even realise that I end up 20 mins early at office just for his sake."Yo bro, 5 mins more and you wont need to go to school anymore, the watchman will lock the gate""Why all the hollering? I am ready aren't I?? Lets go" . Whew ! We wouldn't miss being on time then. I was relieved."Hold it" and both of us froze at the tone. It couldn't be anyone else. It was mom. "Where do you think you are going without breakfast. I get up early to make it for you louts and daily the maid ends up with a feast and you go eat bread in those God-awful canteens". Before she could launch into a full on attack, both of us gobbled half and held on to half the chapathi and ran out the door.We were late, there was no doubt about it.I could almost wring his neck for it and he's looking at me grinning like we've won something."Wipe that silly smile off, I wont drop you back if the gates are closed.Lets see how you like walking back 3 kms." That wiped that grin off his face, not completely though.As I weaved through traffic, I noticed all the vehicles passing by.Not too many 2-wheelers, there was a light drizzle and that meant I had to be extra careful about the puddles and that splashing onto us.Not too many white cars either, I realise, probably because they get dirtier faster.Just one more traffic light and I so hope the day turns out well.Monday mornings always tense me up more.There's the 2 day gap and its the start of a new week. Call me superstitious if you will but I need a good beginning and that nice feel to last all week.There's the signal.I slow down and look around trying to find THAT one white car that I want to see.Its not there. Panic builds up.I look around and the bike sways and my bro holds on harder to me. I stop the bike to see if he's alright and out the corner of my eye, I see it.It stops right next to me, just a little ahead.I cant peer in without looking like a roadside cheapo.Its got all dark-tinted windows.The window rolls down and the little kids on the road jump towards it.The chipmunks were actually waiting in the rain for her to give them their first earning of the day.They must be as superstitious as me.She's worn her gold bangles today and her nails aren't painted either. Must be wearing a traditional dress. Probably a saree.With a beautiful face like hers, she probably looks divine today. Her hair falling till her shoulders, fresh jasmine in them, a nice bottu, sandalwood paste on the forehead and smiling happily. Sigh.I get a hard poke in my ribs and find my brother's face almost in mine "Le Hrithik, Ameesha's gone, can we go now?" I give him one knock on the head.Kids these days.Hmph.With one last look at the disappearing car, I wonder if she really looks as nice in real life as in my dreams?Some day, I hope I can see her smile. Till then, I'll hold on those bangles.

With great power comes ..... a need for solitude

The road was poorly lit.There were a couple of street lights but none in working condition.There was a stillness to everything, like it was a picture and not a frame out of real life.An occasional wind was the only change in status.He looked out the car window. He liked it like that.Once the dust that his wheels kicked up would die down, the place would look like it always had.People were terrified to walk that road in the day leave alone the night.That served him well. He wanted time alone.He didn't need the thousands of voices around him telling him what to do.He came here to listen to his voice, his only way of safekeeping it from being lost in the overcrowded mass that was around him.No one would be able to single him out from the crowd.They felt he was one of them.He sniggered in contempt.He, one of them, that would be day. Even before the thought faded, he remembered the days when he tried with all his might to be one of them, to fit into them, ever worried that someone might stumble over his secret. Forever safeguarding it.He had never been able to shut it out.That he accepted defeat to.He learnt to use it to his advantage, he learnt to use it such that no one ever caught a whiff of it. He could hear people's thoughts.Not much, one could think. Imagine when every moment of your life was crowded with voices. You would try to see who spoke, but there would be no one whose lips were moving, but you could hear it.Imagine walking down a road, a million thoughts crisscrossing the air and all of them telling your brain that it was a sound.He couldn't shut it out.He hadn't found a way to do that.Yet.So,once in every while, he would come to this run-down supposedly haunted place just to appreciate silence.To look at life like it should have been in his head.Feeling like a misfit all his life, until the day he realised he was gifted in this special way.His contempt for would never let anyone know of this. The Power was all his to wield.

And he smiled !

It was that part of a moment when one moves out of the sleep zone and right before when one is awake. Like the dawn of the waking day. She was there. As she waited for the fuzziness to clear out from her mind, she knew something was different about today.She couldn't put her finger on what that was, but there it was, that feeling. She turned around to snuggle into her pillow, but she couldn't move. Something held her in place. She awoke with a start then.

Her eyes found comfort in the fact that it was still dark around her, there was a lamp in the room, the only source of light. Before she could take solace in the fact that it wasn't time yet for her to get up and leave for work, she realised that she didn't have a lamp in her bedroom.And then, she looked at herself and realised why she couldn't move, her hands and legs were bound. She let out a gasp involuntarily and when she heard herself, it was a muffled sound that seemed to shatter the silence around her. And that scared her. It was like she had disturbed the pattern. There was shelter in the silence, a peace to it, she had disturbed it. Maybe if she just huddled back silently, closed her eyes and wished this gone away, she would wake up and put this nightmare behind her.

She closed her eyes and wished with all her might to get back to reality. And she gave it a one minute's pause as a good measure.And slowly, hesitantly , she opened her eyes to her reality.

She screamed. Tranquility be damned, peace be damned, silence be damned. She screamed herself hoarse, until she no longer had a voice. Then the door opened. It surprised her, because she hadn't known there was a door.There was a little bit of fear seeping back until she heard a voice, a gruff voice say something she couldn't understand. But she did shut up then and the voice disappeared with fading footsteps that she hadn't heard approaching earlier.

She wouldn't give into hysteria or to tears. She steeled herself to accepting this present situation. She tried recalling what she last remembered as normal.Going to work in the morning was the last coherent thought she could recall. She had pulled over for coffee or had she? It was too much of a fuzzy memory. 

She twisted her arms, her hands were bound tight and the rope didn't budge. There wasn't even wriggling area. She knew what the knot was, she had learnt it from her father. She couldn't remember the name but she knew exactly how it was made.She mentally kicked herself for not learning how to undo it. She looked around the room, looking for something that would let her loose.She was on a bed. The lamp in the corner. She hopped over to the lamp feeling like a kangaroo. It was an old kerosene lamp. There was glass and the flame to use. She pushed the lamp, watched the glass break with a tinkle and the kerosene make a wet patch on the floor.She looked at the door, wondering if the sound had been loud enough for the owner of the gruff voice to walk in again, but he didn't come back. She picked up one of the bigger pieces and tried to rub them against the rope holding her wrists together.She cut herself a couple of times and finally succeeded in wearing the rope down enough to give some wriggling space. A triumphant feeling had start to spread over her, but she ground her teeth and kept at it not wanting to break the spell.

The door opened. More of the gruff voice, definitely yelling now. He went out again, returned in a minute with a bucket of water and threw it over the former lamp and it's mess. She shrank back wondering what would happen to her, furiously trying still to cut open the ropes which probably in hindsight she would think wasn't as smart as trying to have hidden that piece of glass somewhere.

Satisfied that the potential fire was put out, he walked over to her, took the glass piece from her and retied her with another rope that managed to appear out of nowhere. Then, he walked out.

She wasn't sure how many hours had passed since that first waking moment of hers. She had kept trying to find some way to get out of there.She had racked her brains as to why she would be here, true she was rich, but rich enough to get kidnapped? She wondered if someone was paying her ransom at this moment. She wondered if her boss missed her at work and tried contacting her.She wondered if it was evening already and the friends she was supposed to meet up for coffee had missed her. 

And then she laughed to herself at the futility of it all. How did all that matter? All that did matter now is that she was at the mercy of her 'kidnappers'. Having resigned herself to that fact she waited for that man to show up again, so she could at least understand what was happening. They had to give her food at least.

Waiting in the silence, in the darkness tore a part of her. For some reason, she could not fathom , all her personal devils reared their head to torment her at this moment. It spurred her into action.She twisted her hands again straining her neck to look for something that she might have missed earlier. She heard the footsteps come close this time. As the door creaked on its hinges, she sat back apprehensively. It was food. He put the plate on the floor and had walked away when she realised he wasn't going to talk to her and maybe that he didn't even realise that she couldn't eat with her hands bound. She just couldn't believe it. She had just about started bemoaning her fate when another guy came in and untied her hands, gestured that she should take off the gag and eat.

She couldn't try anything dumb, especially not with the mammoth sized creature standing with his hands crossed in front of her. She ate, almost with gratitude, when she realised how hungry she was.

3 days later, which she deduced by counting the number of meals she had, she didn't know where she was, why she was there and a couple of escape attempts later she was still where she had started off. They wouldn't talk to her, they wouldn't bother her.

Today, she had another plan. When she heard the doorsteps, she stood behind the door, yesterday's plate in hand. As the door swung open, she swung with all her might right across the face.The man was stunned, she jumped over him and hopped till the edge of the corridor where she could see a window. It was daytime, sunlight was filtering in. There was hope. She fell face forward and was waiting for her face to break, waiting for that crunching sound, when someone held her and broke the fall. He turned her around, so she was on her back. The same man, who had thwarted her thrice already, but had never reacted was now red in the face notwithstanding the bruise that was forming. He muttered something that was unintelligible. She waited for him to fume and she almost readied herself for a blow. She had tried so hard last three days, using all that she could find. All she had thought of was escape, the insanity of the whole situation was driving her insane.Now, it looked like she was stuck in this hell. Something inside her was breaking, the constriction in her throat seemed to be tightening, tears were welling up in her eyes. Her eyes had been downcast, she looked at his face to see if she could interpret the signs of her future in that mask. 

And he smiled! 

As he did, she realised that the smile actually lauded her spirit. It looked like a father consoling and doting simultaneously a daughter who had tried something and not succeeded. He seemed human in that light.

The tears disappeared. She knew that she would get out of here. The smile gave her the strength.She would not stop trying.